In the Morning When It’s Quiet

In the morning when it’s quiet – I sit and stare at the monitor and watch you sleep peacefully. I dread the moment I have to wake you to get ready for daycare. But I secretly anticipate the second I get to scoop you up and squeeze you in my arms. 12 hours is too long to be away from you little love – even if it’s for a good night’s sleep. 

I sit for a few minutes alone sipping coffee while your daddy is in the bathroom shaving. Your bulldog snores on the floor beside me. There are so many noises in the house to signal it’s morning but you sleep soundly in your room, undisturbed. I worry about waking you too soon

I look at the clock and think to myself, “If I go wake him now, we can leave the house on time and I can make it to work early.” I worry I’m selfish for thinking this. I take another sip of coffee and glance back at the monitor and am reminded of your peaceful slumber.  “No, I’ll give him just a few more minutes.”

I finally give in to my battle with the clock and know that I’ve waited as long as I can. You’re still so sleepy, but I catch a faint smile on your rosy cheeks. Your little body curls up against me as you grip your stuffed animal for comfort. I hate waking you for the day, but I’m so glad to see you. I’ve missed you so much since I put you down to bed last night. You let out a little dry cough.  I worry that you’re getting sick

Our time together in the morning is far too short, but somehow, it never feels rushed. I sit beside you and stroke your face as you guzzle your morning bottle. I worry we haven’t weaned you off the bottle yet. 

I kiss you as much as humanly possible as daddy carries you out the door – I love watching your excitement to go to daycare. Thank you for making that easy on my mommy heart. But I still worry I don’t get to see you enough

I worry that you didn’t eat much at dinner last night. Are you getting enough nutrition? 

I worry that you’ve been a little cranky in the evenings. Are you napping enough at daycare? 

I worry that the day will quickly come when your footie pajamas disappear and you no longer need mommy to be your alarm clock. 

I worry that the moments I have with you each morning are too brief. 

Even as I sit at work and watch you at daycare through the camera app, all the worries of being your mom fall on my shoulders. But you still play without a care in the world. You see, sweet boy, it’s my job to worry. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop worrying as you grow. I think as a mom, that part will always stay with me. 

But for now, in the morning when it’s quiet, I’ll continue to sip coffee at my desk and watch you play with friends on camera. I can’t wait to see you after work. I worry that I have too many kisses to give you later and not enough time.  

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