Being a new mom is hard. You change. Your life changes. You are no longer your own – you now have a tiny, precious baby dictating your every move.
When I first had my son, I found myself so overwhelmed by my new life but I really missed my friends. I felt left out because I was no longer invited to do things. Most people assumed I couldn’t go. I also found out that some of my friends just didn’t know how to be my friend during that time.
Do you invite the new mom? Or do you take “pressure” off her by not inviting her Where do you fit in exactly? Do you show up? Do you give her space? Does she need help? Does she want help?
It’s a transition time for everyone. So, while your friendship will change, this is how you can still be a friend to a new mom:
- Be there: this is likely one of the hardest/confusing/exhausting/best times in this new mom’s life but she still needs you. She needs you to come over and listen. She needs you to come over and talk. She needs some sense of normalcy. She needs to have adult interaction. She needs to remember what day it is. So be there in whatever capacity you can.
- Food is never a bad idea: I am horrible about cooking others dinner (including my own family) but you can count me in for a gourmet lunch from Chick-fil-a or whatever sounds good to that mama. My friends created a meal train for me and it was so awesome. We were able to see everyone and eat wonderful meals. If you are going at an off time, bring coffee. Just bring her something because she is likely too busy to remember to eat/drink/etc. so this is super helpful.
- Be willing: If you have time to spare, force her to let you hold that baby so she can go shower or sleep. I once went 5 days without a shower because my husband works crazy hours and I was scared to put my son down. GROSS. I also slept the best when I knew someone else was watching Bray — even if it was only for 30 minutes. You are adjusting to all the noises your baby makes and even when that baby is sleeping, it’s hard to not wake up panicked over that new noise you heard. Light sleepers will become lighter sleepers…
- Don’t forget about her: the new baby is amazing. She/he is beautiful and everyone is so excited to see him/her but don’t forget about mom. Her body has just performed a miracle. She’s exhausted/hormonal/and needs some sense of normalcy. Maybe not immediately but don’t forget to ask her to go do things – with or without the baby – and be okay if she can’t attend this time. Once she feels up to it, I am sure you’ll be the first person she calls to grab coffee or some lunch.
- Be you: As mentioned above, normalcy is a great thing. You were friends before the baby and you will be friends after the baby. If you’re not a kid person, it’s okay. Grab some coffee and go sit with her during nap time. Going through uncharted territory is what makes a friendship stronger.