If I could write some words and seal them in a time capsule for you, it would be this:
I hope I did right.
There are too many decisions, too quick, and too important when you call yourself “mom.” And I know I didn’t get them all right–won’t get them all right–but I hope I got close. And I hope you will know I always tried my hardest to do everything in my power to give you the best life possible.
Some days it seems like life is constantly one step forward and three steps backwards, and I can’t stop questioning whether we started out on the right path in the first place.
Sometimes it’s too late to reverse. We move forward. We do our best. We get by. We hope that when we get to the final chapters we’ll say “yes, this was it. this was the way I was meant to go, and my life and my children’s lives are better for it.”
But there is no guarantee.
And you’re on this journey with me all the way, my little loves, whether the going is easy or tough.
That is both beautiful and terrifying.
But it gives me the strength, the courage, the grit to get through the rough patches, to hold you close and pray that we are heading in the right direction and make the tough decisions when we’re not–whether that means pressing onward, hitting reverse, staying still, or blazing a new trail.
And I hope you know this one thing above everything else: our life will not always be easy, but I will never stop giving my all for you.
So my precious children, wherever you find yourselves when we’re looking back on these days, I hope you will say that I always did right by you.
Maybe I didn’t always manage to make the right decisions. Maybe I had to start over and try again and again. Maybe we had to huddle through the storms to see the rainbows.
But I always tried to do what I had to do to give you your very best chance.
And I hope I did right.