It Hurts to Be Unfriended


It was late. I couldn’t sleep and so I did what I normally do when it’s late and I can’t sleep…I scrolled Facebook. I hadn’t heard from her in while so I typed her name in the search bar. Huh. Not even an “add friend” button showed up. “That’s weird,” I thought. Not only did she unfriend me but she must have [gulp] blocked me? What the….???

I racked my brain trying to think of all the things I might have said or done to upset her. I hadn’t seen her in more than 15 years so how could I have done something so horrible that she would unfriend me? I’ll admit, I spent way too much time thinking about this. My eyelids were getting heavy and my head was hurting from all of the soul-searching and second guessing I was putting myself through. Why was this bothering me so much?

The truth is, when something doesn’t make sense to me and I don’t have closure on it – I can’t let it go. When I can’t make sense of something, I file it away in my “hurts and hang ups” folder which unfortunately, gets shelved right on top of my heart. This is the place where I house things too deep, too painful, and just plain old too much for me to process that I leave it there like an open wound that never quite heals.

I realized, I’d been unfriended and I didn’t like the way it felt. Actually, it made me feel kind of mad. Have you ever been unfriended? And unjustly so? Like maybe she was only airing one side of the story and you’d never gotten to tell yours because (well) you didn’t actually know there was ever a problem? These are thing things that happen in adulthood that I just don’t like. Why Facebook? Why do you have to have an “unfriend” option? Don’t you know it makes me lose sleep?

The good news is…life goes on. You can stop hovering over the “Add Friend” button and start doing more productive things with your time like nurturing the friendships you DO have. Pop a note in the mail to a friend you miss or to someone who needs some words of encouragement. Heck, go through your Facebook feed and start “liking” everyone’s posts; it’ll make you feel good. Don’t believe me? Don’t just “like” everyone’s posts but write something on their walls. It feels kind of empowering to write nice things and the people on the other end will feel nothing but love. That sounds like a win-win to me.

Being unfriended stinks and that’s the truth. You probably already know this but here’s a reminder in case you need it; your worth doesn’t come from someone else’s approval of you. It comes from knowing there’s only one you and that’s a pretty cool thing.

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