Tis the season for décor and parties, time spent with family and friends, shopping, baking, and wrapping. There will carols and joy and plenty of toys. Time is spent with good intent and no one ever feels overwhelmed. In fact, if there isn’t enough joy in the season, I’d like to introduce you to our elf, Buddy. I am sure your house has one too. That sweet little bundle of joy.

This little Elf is supposed to be full of fun for your child. He disappears nightly to let Santa know if your child behaved wonderfully or horribly or in my case, both. He then reappears in a different location and is often caught doing things you pray your child doesn’t mimic.

In fact, this whole Elf thing really is quite magical. Magically, in case you’re not busy enough, you now have to think of creative things for the Elf to do. Magically, you are anxiety ridden over remembering to move the flippin’ Elf! Forget fa-la-la-la-la, parents are now jumping out of bed mid-sleep and screaming, “Did you move the elf?”. This thing literally haunts your dreams.

At 8pm, my phone screams at me with alarm because that’s the only way I can remember to move Buddy (our elf). Will he poop Hershey kisses? Will he TP (toilet paper) the house? Will he make snow angels out of sugar or sprinkles or flour? Will Buddy ride on an ornament like Miley Cyrus’ wrecking ball? Will he hang from the chimney with care?…Maybe the pilot light with cause him a scare.

Will Buddy spill syrup all over like the real Buddy the elf? Will he get into the dog food or take a swim in the dog’s water? Will he parachute from the ceiling fan or pretend to shave like he’s a grown man? Will he pour out the entire box of cereal box or take a bubble bath? His flimsy body makes him difficult to contort but in case you are stumped, check google or Pinterest or create a fort. Whatever you do, don’t you dare forget, it could scar your child for life, after all.

Elf insurance is much cheaper than mine.

Maybe your elf is lazy and for that, I give you props. Ours is overactive and his activities usually end with a mop. While my brain is done from another crazy day, I try to be creative so come what may. In fact, ours even got in to a car crash conveniently on the same night I did. Luckily both ended injury-free — especially for my husband, who thinks he’s hilarious.

“I’m not touching him, Mom. The fire truck is.”

If you make a mistake and place him near the ground, maybe, just maybe, your child will touch him and you will be free….for a few days at least. Mine has already figured out ways “around the system”. But most importantly, if you want to continue to torture yourself, you should definitely post about this elf on social media so people can judge your creativity copy your awesome ideas.

And if you’re lucky, I hope this elf brings you alcohol. After all, he is the worst house guest ever. He shows up, wreaks havoc, makes you lose sleep, and tortures your kid who desperately wants to touch him.

“I’m just looking, Mom”

But whatever you do, don’t forget to move the Elf. Mine may go back to his box…

Until next year.

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