Do you know how many times I changed clothes yesterday? Five.
I’m sure you’re imagining me in some cute movie montage trying on five different outfits in the mirror while peppy music plays in the background. I end on a super stylish, but perfectly casual outfit that fits like a dream and skip off to some super cool adventure.
That’s where you’d be wrong.
I put on five different outfits, wore them for a short period of time and then had to change into something more appropriate for my next, less-than-super-cool adventure.
Outfit number 1: A trip to the gym.
I wish I had trendy workout clothes. I don’t. I bought some adorable strappy tanks on sale one time and I feel like I’m running around with my boobs hanging out. Who can actually wear these things, much less work out in them?!?
Outfit number 2: Volunteer at my child’s school.
Even though I am volunteering, apparently there’s still a dress code the school can mandate. You are not supposed to wear jeans. Great! I have soooo many cute outfits from work that I never get to wear. I will wear one of these. As such, I now look ridiculously over-dressed for kindergarteners.
Outfit number 3: Spray-painting metal decor pieces for my bathroom, because I’m crafty like that.
In this 45 mile an hour wind I cannot spray paint in my work/volunteer outfit. Thus, I pull out crappy old gym pants. Not the ones from earlier, mind you, but the ones I can’t wear out anymore because they are wide leg and even I know they are no longer in style.
Outfit number 4: Time to walk to the bus stop.
I don’t want the neighbors to see me in my old, spray-paint covered, wide-leg gym clothes. So I venture back into my closet where I stare at a closet full of clothes and find I have nothing to wear. I think, “I wish I had chic casual clothes.” Why does everyone else seem to own cute casual clothes, but me?!? Where do moms even find them? I need a personal stylist. I will wear jeans and the same black shirt I wear all the time.
Outfit number 5: Cooking dinner.
Why do teenagers wear jeans all the time? They are not really comfortable at all. Also I don’t want to spatter food on my favorite black shirt. At this point, I just need comfort, so I change into a t-shirt and sweatpants. Again, I’m confronted with the fact that I wish I had cute sweatpants that made me look fun and spontaneous, but really, who spends money on cute sweatpants?!?
There you have it. I have a closet full of clothes and nowhere to wear them. I have no appropriate clothes for most of the stuff I currently do. I could give any self-respecting Victorian woman a run for her money when it comes to daily outfit changes. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go dress for dinner.
Have you seen my pajama pants?