The Reflux Rundown

 – 20 minutes elevated after a feeding is 20 minutes. Not 15, not 19, but TWENTY WHOLE MINUTES.  Don’t think you can cheat on this.  You will be sorely mistaken.

 – Don’t you dare move that baby at all during those 20 minutes so that their head drops below their body level unless you want to be covered in spit up.

 – As a result of this extended time elevated, your baby will think that it should always be elevated and/or held, resulting in an infant that’s just a *tiny* bit spoiled.

 – Thickening formula is a life saver.

 – Specialty formula must be made from unicorn tears because it is so darn expensive.

 – Specialty formula smells awful. I’m sure it also tastes awful.

 – Elevating the head of cribs, cradles, and pack-and-plays makes every room look a bit off kilter.

 – Zantac smells like acid and elicits the worst “bitter beer face” you’ve ever seen from your infant.

 – When your baby stops nursing/lets go of the bottle, it’s time to burp. DON’T THINK you can continue feeding them unless you enjoy the feel of baby puke running down your arms, legs, and between your toes. 

 – Hiccups are torture, and I’m fairly certain used as a punishment in Hell.

– You learn to recognize the tiny imperceptible sounds and signs that occur seconds before spit up and react faster than a cheetah hunting it’s prey. 

 – The day your baby learns to burp themselves is a huge relief, but the day your baby no longer needs reflux medicine is AMAZING.

 – Wash baby’s hands often. Spit up can catch there, and balled up fists plus sweat plus spit up equals one nasty smell.

 – You will do So. Much. Laundry.  Buy stock in detergent, stain spray, and softener. Contemplate collecting rain water.

 – Cloth diaper inserts make the best burp rags. Bath towels work in a pinch when you’ve used all of the cloth diapers, and sometimes are necessary on really rough days when the cloth diapers just aren’t big enough.

 – Your baby will almost always be wearing a bib.  Cute outfits will be partially hidden for quite some time.

 – Take all of the “nice bedding” off of your bed before you feed your baby in bed/lay your baby on the bed to change their diaper. Silk quilts and spit up do not mix.

 – Spit up residue on clothing becomes the accessory you wear every day, no matter how well you think you’ve cleaned yourself up.

 – You must have no emotional attachment to anything that could get spit up on it.  You will learn this quickly.  This ranges from shirts to shoes to furniture.

 – Taking care of a reflux baby requires extra attention and funding, but it is so completely worth it, as we all know. And someday, the smell of reflux and spit up will leave your sinus cavity, I promise.

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