When I Don’t Want To Be A Mom

I have moments when I don’t wan to be a mom. Let’s just take a moment to be real here.

– When my (then) perfect 2 year old had the biggest, out of nowhere tantrum, threw open the hall closet and threw everything, including lotions and medicines down the hallway, causing them to break open and pour out all over the wall and carpet, I didn’t want to be a mom right then.

– When that tantrum caused my (then) 3 month old twins who I had JUST gotten to fall asleep to wake up screaming for the 3rd time in 2 hours, I didn’t want to be a mom at that particular moment.

– When the dog was then let into the house and tried to eat some Tylenol and then chase it down with Winter Candy Apple lotion b/c my 3 year old just “wuvs da puppy” I didn’t even want to be a dog mom.

And when all of this happened and my husband was travelling for work, so all of the responsibility of that situation was on me, I was ready to walk out the front door and tell the first person I saw that I was done with the mom life and offer them the keys to my super sexy soccer mom mini van. Instead, I sat on the floor with a lovely scented dog, two screaming babies and a suddenly remorseful 3 year old and cried for a few minutes. I made a sleeping bag camping area in the living room and chucked all three kids on it, gated them in and you better believe they watched TV for a good hour and a half while I cleaned that giant mess up. Because I AM a mom, and I don’t get to quit just because life throws giant messes my way.

BUT! I do get to survive through these giant messes and take a mommy time out later (and of course enjoy them when the good times happen).  I am lucky that I have a spouse who gets that this drama happens a LOT while he’s travelling for work, so he takes on the kids solo for a bit so I can get a coffee/pedi break on the weekend. I am lucky that I eventually convinced my parents to move to Northwest Arkansas and they are SO helpful! I am lucky that my in-laws are a few hours away and would be here as soon as they could if we asked. My sister in law is also local and would do anything for her nieces and nephew. My brother and sister in law live across the country, but I’ve become close to her and we text and laugh over these things now, and we have a bond because she also has a toddler and twin babies! And my kids are older now, which has presented its own set of issues and reasons why I want to quit momming some days. I try to take it a day at a time, make sure I take time outs for myself, and to help my kids work through the REALLY big emotions that they feel (lately, on an hourly basis) so that they can try to express them in a positive way instead of decapitating sisters’ barbies, stabbing stuffed animals with action figure swords, strategically placing legos where a sibling might walk (but mom obviously walks there first), or ripping out the last page of a favorite book so a sibling will never be able to know how the book ends. Not that any of that has EVER happened at my house…

 

May you always appreciate each other and your dislike for mom making you sit still for pictures.

 

So even on the days when I don’t want to be a mom, I try to remember these sweet faces.  The faces that say, “Mom, stop taking pictures;”  The little boy who thinks he’s too big for kisses but sneaks in snuggles when no one is watching; the not quite tween who is still finding her way in the world and still (sometimes) needs her mom to help her through life; the little girl who is so amazed at nature and all the magic in the world and just can’t wait to find a way to express it.  I try to focus on those things instead of the dog who mysteriously smells like my lotion again this morning…because we’ll make it, we’ll get through…because we get the privilege of being a mom.

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