You know that girl that seemingly has it all together. She matches. Her clothes aren’t wrinkled. She doesn’t have banana on her shirt. She knows what day it is. She remembers birthdays. She doesn’t forget to eat meals. She works out. Everything is well thought out and planned.
That was me.
Until I had my son.
Now, I always have some sort of food or dirt on my clothes. I have no clue what day it is — or year for that matter. I rarely look in the mirror so I never know if I match. I forget birthdays, important dates and pretty much everything (mom brain is real). Is that yogurt on my shoes? Did I forget something important for work?
I was ready for the sleepless nights, the breastfeeding, the blow out diapers but this…I didn’t even know that I needed to prepare for this.
I did not like the new me. In fact, I hated her. I could not remember anything and it greatly affected my job. It was an internal battle, bridged by tears, between who I was and who I had become overnight.
The grace I needed to extend myself. The grace I needed to quit battling myself. To quit being ridden with self-guilt and accept that I had changed. The grace to have fun and enjoy my life again. To quit being so self critical and to laugh. To accept that I am doing the best I can. I did birth a human after all. The grace needed to survive as a mother.
So if you are pregnant or struggling postpartum, I am here to tell you, it does get better. You may never have a clean shirt again. You may not remember what day it is. You may not remember to look in the mirror before you leave the house (sometimes, that’s better off). You may not even recognize yourself when you do look in the mirror. But that’s okay. You’re doing the best you can. Your child adores you. It will get better. Learn to accept the new you because she’s not going anywhere.
You’ve got this. Just give yourself some grace.